Future MILFs Club

If you have to ask, you're not in it.

Peace, Love & CCBB

FMC

Bromantical Boundaries

As an FMCM it is crucial to know bromantical boundaries. An FMCM should always know when she is acting too fratty with a guy she is into even if she wants to seem chill because she heard he doesn’t like prissy girls. Let us clear the air- he also doesn’t like manly girls. Therefore, if this sounds like something you would do, be careful because you are probably approaching total bro-ho status aka in the total friendship zone. Also, bros know when girls are just trying to please them by pretending they like to blaze all day and watch sports. Nobody is fooled. Relax, you obviously aren’t a bro and quite frankly he doesn’t want to date one of his friends. Knowing bromantical boundaries also applies to girls that need to realize that bros love bonding and would rather watch sports with their bros than pick up their booty call. We know, boys are weird when they turn down ass for a bromance sesh, but it happens all the time and it will literally always happen if the guy isn’t that into you. If you’re not official and there is a good game on, he officially would rather hang with his bros. Therefore save yourself the embarrassment and move on. FMCMs should never be that desperate to hangout with anyone, not even a PFH.

peace, love & CCBB

FMC

WebMD

One of the most common syndromes that affects members of FMC is hypochondria. Whatever disease or ailment is trending, we are convinced we have it. H1N1, Asian Bird Flu, Salmonella, Restless Leg Syndrome…once you hear it on the news, you’re already frantically checking WebMD for your phantom symptoms. Of course you already have at least 4 of the 7 listed and by the end of the day you will probably decide you have the 5th symptom as well. You may think this sounds depressing but it’s not. We use this fear that we are constantly dying as an excuse to go out every night. It’s like, carpe diem, I probably have melanoma anyways! Next time you hear a betch say, “I don’t trust this sushi…yellowtail salmon comes from Japan,” you will know you found a fellow FMCM! 

peace, love & CCBB

FMC

“DT” Format

All FMCMs love acronyms, so it makes sense that we would try to implement them in any way possible. You know how fratstars love using “DTF”? Well so do we. But not using “F” because we’re not that vulgar (not in public anyway). Still, we always put things in terms of “DT” as in “Down to ____”. It is always acceptable to implement this in any situation or conversation. For example: DTC = Down to Craft. DTB = Down to Bake. If I’m drunk and you’re BBming me not in “DT” format I will probably Rude you. 

peace, love & CCBB

FMC

DTB- Down to Bake

It is no secret that all FMC members must love to bake. Our location of choice wouldn’t be the kitchen if that weren’t the case. FMC members are always down to bake. Whenever anyone says  “wanna bake?” our first thought is banana bread? Blank stares. Second guess- SPF8? Still blank stares. Ohh (hide disappointed face) it’s 4/20.. I guess I could go to class baked.  While an FMC member is usually game for a sporadic smoke sesh (we tend not to make habits out of it though), that’s definitely not our first thought when hearing the term bake. 

peace, love & CCBB

FMC

What’s a Reference?

No really, what the fuck is a reference and how do we get one? Can we blame the economy on my lack of professional experiences? If not, we better find a good excuse. 

#NotMILF

The New Face of Rude

If you own a blackberry and are fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on the sitch) enough to be BBM contacts with your hookup than this is for you. Although you may think that the “R” next to the bbm means “read,” if your man didn’t respond, then that “R” really stands for “Rude.” Ruding, as its known in its verb form, is a highly common phenomenon occurring on college campuses everywhere. If you are a victim of Ruding, do not worry- there are many others like you out there (myself included) and we can probably make support groups for the cause (FMC members love committees). It doesn’t matter if it’s a boyfriend committing the act- Rude is Rude. Not to blame the victim, but first and foremost if you’re a code-red-stage-5 clinger and are BBMing too frequently than you are the cause. But if you’re just an FMC member trying to meet up with your booty call and you get Ruded, then lose the asshole! The Golden Rule of Ruding is: If he can read your BBM, he can respond. If he reads it and doesn’t reply, he’s the New Face of Rude. And didn’t his mother ever teach him manners? If she didn’t, then she most definitely was not an FMC member. And do you really want him anyways?

peace, love & CCBB

FMC

GLOSSARY

Read Me.

http://futuremilfsclub.tumblr.com/Glossary

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But seriously.

Future MILFs Club

Welcome to FMC. This is a blog for all you future MILFs out there that are having serious FOMO about graduating college and leaving your betch-clique. Well you’re not alone. I’m a senior and although I’m about to get my B.A. in PR (duh), I failed at simultaneously attaining an M.R.S. I mean let’s face it, isn’t that the number one reason we go to college anyways (tied with drinking)? Well fear not because while you may be aging out of your Greek letters (except to wear to the gym), you have a new crew to relate to- the Future MILFs Club.

Hope my adventures, experiences and acronyms can help you feel a renewed sense of independence (JK- I totes mean dependence). And may we all one day reach blissful MILF status.

peace, love & CCBB

FMC